My Name is Mommy

Oooh, that has to be one of my least favorite phrases ever. EVER.

I was reminded of how much I despise it while reading Hsien’s recent post about the Mommy Wars. It took me right back to the year 2000…..(picture the wavy sitcom special effects for reminiscence).

Before Bald Man and I had kids, we had decided that I was going to stay home with our children. It was what I wanted to do, and what seemed like the best choice for our family. As the birth of our oldest was approaching, many of the women I worked with, and some that I didn’t, would ask what I was going to do once the baby was born. I told them that I planned on staying home.

And then it came. That dreaded, awful, sometimes jealous phrase, “Well, it must be nice. It must be nice not to HAVE to work.”

Now, let me be clear. I know that I am privileged to be able to stay home and raise my kids. I actually do have a choice. But lest you think that I am living the high life here, know that we do make sacrifices to make this happen for our family. Sacrifices that we choose and acknowledge on a daily basis.

What I wanted to do when these women said this was, “Well, it must be nice to have two new cars sitting in the driveway, and a new house, and to go on vacations, and to have every new thing that comes out. It must be nice.” But I didn’t, because I’m too nice (or polite, or too afraid of retribution. One of those things.) But I do know that, for many of the women who said this, these were the reasons that they “had” to work. Those were the choices they made.

So, what is the point in the phrase, “Well, it must be nice…?” The only purpose it serves, as far as I can see it, is to somehow try to make the other person feel guilty about whatever good thing, or situation, that they have.

But the truth is, we all make different choices about what we do, what we have, where we go, etc. And instead of just being happy for each other when we experience good things, we evaluate how every one else’s blessings compare with our own situation. We take everything and turn the focus on ourselves. We don’t take the time to leave our attention on the other person and just say, “I’m glad for you that you have that. I’m happy for you that you’re able to do that.”And we certainly don’t attempt to see the truth in each other’s journeys. We don’t evaluate the cost they pay for what they have or for the choices they make. We just see what they have that we wish we had, and feel cheated.

Well, I’m done with it. I’m done with the comparisons. And I’m done entertaining the, “Well, it must be nice” conversations. My answer to that comment now, and has been for awhile, “Yes, it is nice. And I’m thankful for it.”

And, by the way people, I am working here.