Updated: May 16
We've all been there. There's not enough coffee or wine [if you know, you know] that can help you through those days when you just don't want to. You wish you could hide in the bathroom, under the covers, or just run away [maybe not literally, but again, we've all been there, so I get it]. We've all felt this way and maybe felt too afraid to say it out loud, so I'll do it for you.
As a conscious mom, I’m more aware, more intentional, more present. At least, I try to be.
When I share tips and stories on social media, I’m normally met with “you have so much patience, how do you keep your patience, do you ever get overwhelmed and annoyed?” The answer will always be patience is nothing without boundaries and I am a human that gets overwhelmed and annoyed even on my best days; more so on my bad days..more than I hate to admit.
The truth is. I’m not necessarily more “patient”’ I’m simply aware and intentional. I have my days as a mom. My really rough days. Especially as a pregnant and grieving toddler mom. There are mornings when I wake up and I can automatically tell I’m just in a bad mood. No matter how hard I try to shake it, no matter how hard I try to snap out of it, no matter how many times I tell myself “just smile,” the mood seems there to stay.
THE RAW + UGLY + RELEVANT TRUTH
Some days I don’t want to be bothered.
Some days I don't want to be touched.
Some days I don’t want to keep getting up after I just sat down.
Some days I don’t want to be patient.
Some days I don’t want to be gentle.
Some days I don’t want to clean up the mess I was trying to avoid.
Some days I don’t want to clean another poop.
Some days I don’t want to cut grapes.
Some days I don’t want to go through the hassle of what it takes to leave the house.
Some days I don’t want to hear the whining and crying.
Some days I don’t want to go through the motions of nap time.
Some days I'm merely surviving until bedtime.
"With being more intentional, more conscious, more aware, I’m able to look at myself and indicate what my unmet need is."
Am I overwhelmed? Do I feel safe? [whatever safe might mean to you] Am I annoyed because I’ve been trying to finish laundry all week? Do I miss being able to binge watch Lifetime movies? Am I depressed? Am I anxious? Could I be mid-panic attack? Do I need some self care, but what about mom guilt? Am I just utterly exhausted? Am I just having a bad day? Sometimes I need a mini reset. Being home with a toddler can limit what self-care traditionally means+looks like, but self care with a toddler is possible, and it's how I get through my rough days.
Bad Days Are Inevitable
Whatever the case may be, I’m cognizant of how my feelings impact my children’s day. A huge part of being conscious is communicating as much as possible. I’m very open with my three year old when I’m having a rough time and I explain it in an age appropriate way: “I’m sorry, mommy is having a hard day today. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m in a bit of a sad mood. I love you and I’m ready to play!” I never want her to feel as if my bad day has anything to do with her. I want her to know that it’s OK to have rough days.
One day, she stomped in her room after hours of whining, wanting to be held, the whole-toddler-nine, and said “I’M UPSET!!!” and folded her arms. In that moment I felt a sigh of relief. I know it sounds crazy, but my three year old was able to put a name with how she was feeling. We hugged and played with her Peppa Pig toys. I thanked her for letting me know that she was upset, it’s okay to be upset, and I’m here for her always. Rough days are inevitable. We’re all human. Being more conscious has allowed me to separate my own internal frustrations and the way that I parent the child who still depends on me for [emotional] survival and support. It’s not easy [Lord knows it’s not easy!!!] but it helps. I’m reparenting myself and it's not easy. So, most days, I’m surviving until bedtime. And when she wraps those toddlers arms around me, kisses my forehead, and says “good night, mommy” I feel good knowing that in the midst of my unmet needs, I was able to allow myself to be human, communicate my emotions with her, and still be there for her without making her feel like her needs weren’t important. Survival of motherhood. Click here to read How To: Self Care With a Toddler